i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
