basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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