i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
