Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
