And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
