I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
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You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
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How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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