Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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