tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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