Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
