I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
