Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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