At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
