i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
