Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
