u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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