i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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