I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
