all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
