Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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