Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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