Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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