I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
