Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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