youre lurking in front of me
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
