You really coming over, don't trick.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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