I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
