his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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