Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
They have beer where we have blood.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
