ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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