the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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