So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
