okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i've created a new STD.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
