he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
