you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
