yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
