I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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