well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
