she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
