I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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