Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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