I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's never too late to be topless.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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