Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
