i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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