Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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