I wish my penis had an off switch
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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