Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
