Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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