dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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