Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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