why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
