It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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