do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
