Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
