Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
