If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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