dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
