Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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