Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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