Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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