Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
