I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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