his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
