I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
