May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
