I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He felt like a one man threesome
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
