you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
