I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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