Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
