Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
