So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
