Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
