Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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