we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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